Monday, February 28

The Mark Steel Solution

Lover of sport, keen observer of politics - and someone who has an insatiable interest in people and places: that’s Mark Steel.

When I spoke to him in advance of his Lincoln gig,  he’d just been “prostituting” himself listening to England losing in the 20/20 cricket, and I interrupted his enjoyment of the post-match analysis.

As he stirred his morning cuppa, he explained how the idea of his new show is that as more and more places are made to look identical, each town becomes the same,  with identical retail parks and call centres.

And yet he believes that every town has something – and even if the place is “a dump” he is moved by the fact  the people there have things they feel  proud of.

“It’s our little thing, almost a rebellion against the corporate world,” he said, ”and that’s what the show is about.

“As a stand-up, you look for something  in a place that can only happen there. I was in Penzance when I heard they thought this town up the coast called St Ives was a bit posh. So I asked the audience at the show and a woman called out ‘yes they are – they have their own dentist!’”

Mark is obviously a man passionate to communicate his own ideas and experiences, and covers a lot of ground on the tour.

“I do remember coming to Lincoln before.” he recalls. “People are surprised by its prettiness aren’t they?

“I remember going into the library or museum there. I went in ten minutes before it was shutting because it was next to the theatre. The man came over to me and said ‘get out, what time do you think it is, coming in here?’

“I’m an expert on Boston. I spent some time there once and became quite fond of it.

“It’s so incredibly flat there. It’s marvellously flat. I remember doing a joke about Boston applying to become the Winter Olympic venue, with the toboggan team coming home in three-and-a- half weeks. They must all go to Lincoln to look at that hill. You’re almost sideways on there aren’t you?”

He confided that he would be  sending off for information  and would  be reading  all about Lincoln, just in case things have changed since he was last in town.

I was duty-bound to inquire about his views on the coalition and the economy, given his outspoken opinions on the last  government.

“Don’t ask me about that. It makes it sound like I‘m going to stand up and do an analysis on oil prospects. I can’t stand them and I wish they’d all go away.

“It’s not a by-election that will force them to go away, but when more people realise there’s injustice with social services and libraries closing when others are giving themselves £8 million, and that’s just in bonuses ...

“I’m just writing the tour at the moment, which is much harder than touring – when I’ve just got to turn up and do it.  I’m writing a bit of stuff about each town. And there are about 45 in all. I’ll do about five in a row – you wouldn’t want to do any more than that or you’d go a little mad.”

He is also planning another series of Mark Steel’s In Town, with a whole lot of new places.

But returning to the subject of sport – and the 20/20 cricket in particular, he confessed he was really a fan of the full-blown game, usually played over five days rather than a couple of hours. But yet he still watches.

He said: “I feel a little thrill, but I feel it’s like going to a prostitute. I got a little tingle now and again, when one of them hit a six or something.

“I suggested that ITV should commission a series in which there’s a cricketing detective and every week he’s just fielding and goes off to the boundary and finds a dead body and spends the rest of the day solving the crime.

“It would be ‘the vicar said he would be fielding at cover last week, but that can’t be the case’.”

Live: John Shuttleworth

It might have been the right time for Sheffield’s finest synthesiser entertainer John Shuttleworth to instruct the nation in moral matters.

But instead, thanks to his  agent Ken Worthington’s mistyping, his tour is now A Man with No More Rolls.

But as the man responsible for bringing his character to the stage, Graham Fellows, reveals, Shuttleworth is more than happy to wax lyrical on the new title.

“John is very happy to go along with that as he sees the roll as being threatened by Italian flatbreads, crusty cobs and new paninis and ciabbattas,” says Graham, ahead of his Drill Hall gig.

“It’s not about the plot, it’s about the details of his life. He’s concerned about the things that really matter to him, such as whether crab paste is being affected by our love for pesto and being hidden behind it on the supermarket shelves.

“It’s a piece of theatre, an illusion. We’re laughing at John but with him too. The audience can see themselves and people they know in John. We’re all a little like that really – emptying the bin is important.

“John talks about the cafetiere because he thought the plunger was to keep the coffee warm. You only make that mistake once so he threw is out and went back to Mellow Birds.”

John is also a composer and musician, as listeners of his radio shows will know only too well.

Smells Like White Spirit (with a nod to Nirvana), advises on how best to clean your paint brushes, while the ballad How’s Your Nan? is in praise of naan bread while also touching on caring for elderly members of the community.

Graham, who lives in Lincolnshire, admitted he was a little surprised at Shuttleworth’s longevity, although his success had allowed his creator to live in “wonderful Louth”, only returning to the south for work appointments before retreating back into a Lincolnshire life.

And he loved the fact his creation is a character, which enabled him to live a normal life away from work, going virtually unnoticed.

“I enjoy that,” he says. “I had a few months being recognised when I was Jilted John.

“I don’t like being noticed: much of my creative work is with observing people and it stops you doing that.”

He is famous for hitting the charts in the late 70s as Jilted John, with the No4 hit single Jilted John.

Listening to his records, it is clear that Graham is a fan of telling it how it is - both through the lyrics of Shuttleworth and those of his one-hit wonder.

“Here’s a throughline there in that I always like to capture the way that people sound, “ he says.

“Going Steady [the B side to Jilted John] is very basic and told in the vernacular. It still irks me that lyrics are still so unrealistic. Even punk didn’t really break new ground with realistic lyrics.”

Sunday, February 27

Steve Harley on musicians, touring and self-confidence


He was the man who urged us to come up and see him sometime in the 70s, and he’s rocking Newark next week.

Steve Harley talks to Patrick Astill about professional musicians and self-confidence.

The Steve Harley tour promises an intimate and atmospheric performance, so there’s probably no better venue than the plush surroundings of Newark Palace Theatre.

He’s fresh from a massive tour with full entourage this time last year, a clutch of festivals and some television work, and he’s ready stay on the road a little longer.

Steve told What’s On: “This is a big acoustic tour. Touring is my life blood – it’s a great life.

“My karma would be severely crushed if I thought I could not have an audience. I’ve never stopped working. There’s a great feeling out there.”

Best known for his Cockney Rebel days, with Make Me Smile, Mr Soft, Judy Teen and Mr Raffles, the new raft of gigs showcases some of his old favourites together with some of his new writing.

Stranger Comes to Town was the new album, out last year.

“The album has nine new tracks and a cover,” he says. “I write all the time but it doesn’t get easier as you get older.”

“The contradiction is that there’s more to talk about but it’s harder to put it down as a tune – and what if no on wants to hear about it?

“You can lose a bit of self-confidence.”

But he’s supported by some talented musicians who take their profession seriously. They have to – it’s their living.

Steve says: “All the guys around me are of a certain age and have decided they are professional musicians.

“A lot of people are into music in their 20s when they leave university.

“They start a rock band and then fall by the wayside, finding it’s not going to be easy and it might be a struggle. They’ve got to get out and get back to normality.

“This is what I’ve been doing since I was 21. They guys around me are virtuosos who will play either with or without me.”

As for the style of the music, compared with what we know best, Steve admits he “paints a broad canvas”.

“It rocks on – I’m not a folky. It’s a pretty big featured set, we go and play for the first 25 minutes without stopping! But there are some intimate moments too.

“People will get what they put into it at a concert, I’m, very relaxed on stage, it’s my second home. It’s a three-man acoustic set, ‘a closer look’.

“The audience is a bit of a mix after 30-odd years. You do get some people who were fans in their 20s, then drop out to raise their families, then when their families are older they get more chilled and starting going again.

“They find that we’re still playing. We spent New Year’s Eve at Holmfirth, then in January we were in Oslo to sing three songs for their national television with a symphony orchestra!”

Tuesday, February 15

Be big in society

How can you or I make a real difference these days?

With less than half of the electorate turning out to the last by-election, the ballot box might not always be the right answer, writes Patrick Astill.

What really grabs attention seems to be the ubiquitous Facebook “fan” group, or a page online declaring support for your cause or a request to the authorities.

There’s also somewhere on the internet where you can start a petition to state your case directly to the Government, although for some that’s rather too formal.

Online campaigns make it very easy for people to show their support. They can attract passers-by or “box-tickers” who want to make a public statement, but would rather not be too directly associated with a cause.

One website, for example, gopetition.com, regularly achieves success. A Save Our Museums at Stamford and Grantham Petition won support from 346 people, all of whom signed online.

The recent surge of the message-sending system Twitter has also changed the way people think and act, by encouraging the authorities to bow to pressure.

Some causes become popular because of a bandwagon effect.

But making a big difference to a wider-ranging issue such as fuel prices or the new VAT rate is a tougher nut to crack. The rolling road blocks by hauliers in 2000 made precious little difference to the price at the pumps, which has since soared from 77p then to £1.29 now – more than a fiver a gallon.

So when do the great British public get listened to?

I know people who have nominated a relative for new year honour from the Queen. And it worked. Someone in that department takes notice.

And those who wish to make a real difference closer to home can volunteer. Yes, it involves time and energy, but it’s the opportunity to make a real difference – sometimes much more than through the ballot box or writing to the council to complain.

Become a trustee of a museum and shape its future. Be a school governor and appoint the teachers you want to give local children the very best start. Or join the board of your local hospice to help make the lives of the sick much better. It’s “big society”, but it can give you a big say.

First published in the Lincolnshire Echo. 

Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis, Nottingham Playhouse

By Patrick Astill

"Famous Grouse? What did he do?"

The triumphant reprise of Punt and Dennis's World of Wine sketch from the 90s provided a perfect end to the evening, if a little untypical compared with what went before.

Steve Punt and "TV's Hugh Dennis" were at the Playhouse and back in Nottingham for the first time in four years.

This show packed them in for an absolute sell-out. And it was clear to see why.

Intelligent (if sometimes obvious) humour, running gags, a nod to their past and cultural and political observations ran through from start to finish.

They even suggested they might be still relevant in this day and age because the country was run by a double act.

Their set was based on the nuances of consumer surveys, the pair returning to the theme every now and again by gauging opinions from the audience or using the crowd to reinforce their point.

A request for us all to laugh like pirates got the desired response, and the pair tell us we've not been reading the papers or we'd know that most pirates were now Somali.

We're low on fuel and a sign tells us there's petrol at one mile and 23 miles… which do we go for? You get the picture.

A knock at Newark, a nod to the rivalry with Derby, both socially and with the football, helped settle the duo into an evening in Nottingham.

Formerly of The Mary Whitehouse Experience and well known for radio's Now Show, the pair work off each other brilliantly.

Steve's constant chatter, building the argument and setting the scene to ease in Hugh's knockabout and less than subtle antics. And yet when the roles were reversed their comedy achieved the same result.

Dog and Trumpet? Make sure you catch them soon – it'll all make sense.

Monday, February 14

Celebrate Love Your Own Way

I’ve been persuaded to write about Valentine’s Day. It’s today, in case it’s passing you by.

That’s not likely to have been the case, though, with every high street store (perhaps with the exception of shoe shops), urging you to spend money there to commemorate the first century life of an early Christian martyr.

As I understand it, he was somehow linked with romance about 1,400 years later, and the tradition has stuck.

As always, for people already in a relationship it poses a quandary as ancient as the dusty old saint himself.

Think about it. Is your relationship so tired that a 99p card from the market and a box of chocs or some bubbly supermarket cava will ignite the affections of your true love?

Conversely, is your passion measured by the amount of cash you hand over at the checkout?

Is £50 for a bunch of red roses not quite as love-filled as a £100 meal for two and a bouquet? Or would a £5 Sainsbury’s arrangement of miniature roses in a pot be a cheapskate cop-out?

Does a card reassuring your wife of 20 years that you still love her (and always did) quite hit the spot?

I’d suggest there’s additional pressure on relationships from such mandatory hearts-and-flowers romance.

Even a well-thought-out romantic surprise isn’t really a surprise when it has to be administered on February 14.

And what about those who don’t have a Valentine love this year?

Once you’re out of school, it’s a minefield. The excitement and trepidation of who might fancy you and if you’ll fancy them back again has long since passed.

Sending an anonymous card to a work colleague might even be called into question as harassment in these difficult times.

My advice? For what it’s worth, if you’re single and want to avoid public life on Monday evening, settle down at home with a good film and some choccies of your own.

If you’re in a relationship, declare your personal Valentine’s Day on a different date altogether and do it your way, not the way Hollywood – or Clinton Cards – tell you to.

At least you’ll be able to get into that swish restaurant you couldn’t get a reservation for on the 14th.

First published in the Lincolnshire Echo. 

Sunday, February 13

When will we see you again?

Best known for their hits in the 1970s, The Three Degrees are a group whose music is instantly recognisable.

Their biggest international hit, When Will I See You Again, from 1974, is just one of many highs for the American trio.

The Runner, My Simple Heart, Giving Up Giving In, Take Good Care Of Yourself and Woman In Love were all high charters in the UK.

And they are in the Guinness Book Of Records, too, as the longest-running female trio. The current line-up boasts Valerie Holiday, with 40 years’ service, Helen Scott, who’s been with them for 35 years, and newcomer Freddi Poole.


They come to Lincoln Theatre Royal on Tuesday, but it’s not their first royal date.

Valerie told What’s On: “We performed at Buckingham Palace for Prince Charles’s 30th birthday. And then we went back because they invited us to be guests for him and Diana before their wedding.”

It’s quite a journey for the farm girl from Jacksonville, Georgia.

But she says: “It’s been a beautiful journey. Our fame in the 1970s was chaotic but exciting. We’d worked all over the US and had not been out of the country.

“We started international tours and it was fantastic because you get the opportunity to see all the things you’d only read about before.

“I still genuinely love what I do. I like the feedback from the audience and still travel extensively.

“We did a tour in Japan at the end of November and started off again this year in San Francisco and have been touring since then.”

She admitted that although touring was second nature, and “something you get used to over the years”, one of the most important things was to get a proper amount of rest.

“My diet is the other thing that suffers, but my stomach tells me when I’m neglecting it,” she says.

The group was formed in 1963 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and although always a trio, there have been a number of personnel changes and 12 ladies have been among the vocalists over the years.

Eighteen albums and more than 50 singles later, their Lincoln show is your chance to hear the very best of their repertoire.



You will see Freddi Poole on her first tour after joining late last year when Cynthia Garrison had to stand down after 20 years of recording and touring due to persistent ill health. The girls knew Freddi from her work with the Former Ladies Of The Supremes – and Valerie was delighted when she agreed to join.

As for adding to the discography after their dance single Holding Back last year, the trio are still deciding on the best way forward.