Anyone can be bullied - labels just don’t work

by Patrick Astill

Anyone who has ever been bullied at school, whether on a one-to-one basis in the cloakrooms or in full public view of the class, will know the effect it can have.

The victim might feel isolated, because so many people ignore their plight – or they may simply be too scared to stand up to the bully.

They might feign illness to avoid school altogether, or develop other symptoms as a result of the stress.

It’s a frightening experience, can isolate people and damage a youngster’s self-confidence.

It can take many forms, from repeatedly picking on a child to muddying their shoes. From hiding a PE kit to demanding their dinner money.

If you think that bullying is confined to the school playground then think again.
Bullying UK gets complaints about what happens on and off the sports pitch too.

It isn't just other players who are the problem but parents, coaches and team managers can also be guilty of bullying behaviour.

The pattern isn’t just seen among children. It can be repeated later in life too, with workplace bullying.

It might not be as simple as getting all the worst jobs or assignments to do.

There might also be office politics, or someone who sees their chance to taunt with “I know something you don’t know” or subtle manipulation – even in such unlikely areas as the tea-making rota – during the working day.

However, figures suggest that a quarter of children have experienced bullying in the past year or so, with a lack of action by a parent or bystander often fuelling the problem: a child or adult who sees bullying but doesn't act, a parent who offers little support, or a school which doesn't take positive steps to prevent bullying can all exacerbate the situation.

Other children, parents and schools often know bullying is occurring. The Anti-Bullying Alliance says this means that it's everyone's responsibility to try to beat it.

The Alliance is adopting the theme of 'Taking Action Together' for this year's Anti-Bullying Week, which starts on November 15.

ABA’s Sue Steel said: "We can all take action together to create an environment where children understand what they need to know about bullying and that it's wrong, and that if they see or experience it there are things in place that mean appropriate action will be taken.

"It's everybody's responsibility to make sure that we've got what it takes to keep people safe from bullying.”

Getting everyone in the community to pledge action against bullying together could be in the form of a teacher making sure they regularly include anti-bullying messages in their lessons, or a community club developing a clear anti-bullying policy.

Children, parents and schools can all take action together to beat bullying.

Similarly, if a parent hasn't talked to a child about how to stay safe online when using social networking sites for instance, once again they are “standing by” and opening the door for cyber-bullying could take place.

This cyber-bullying – through use of mobile phones and websites - is a growing problem, with victims getting younger as children are given mobile phones and become computer-savvy at an earlier age.

Fourteen-year-old Louise Marshall is a finalist in the Miss Teen Galaxy-UK contest in the spring and is using the contest as a platform to inform people about her experiences of being bullied.

“It was mostly cyber bullying but I also got called names and was kicked out of groups,” she said.

“I kept it to myself for a long time before I eventually told my mum and she helped me approach the school.

“I was quite scared about doing that and couldn’t have done it without her.”

That set in motion a train of events which helped her to get where she is now, making a fresh start and living a proper life again.

“Moving schools changed me completely,” said Louise, who’s from North Hykeham.

Making new friends and enjoying life made her realise she wasn’t the odd one out and that it was the bullies who were wrong, and not her.

Recent research by the Department For Children, Schools And Families found that more than a third of 12 to 15-year-olds had been cyber-bullied.

This can be nasty or threatening text messages or e-mails and vicious rumours spread via social networking websites or circulation of cruel or embarrassing pictures circulated on the Internet.

Lincolnshire County Council, which runs most of the county’s schools, is well versed in what can trigger bullying and how to deal with it.

The authority recognises that school days are a time when the influence of other children is very important and fitting in is seen as essential.

Sophie Whitehead’s job as anti-bullying officer at the county council came about after a steering group was set up which identified to need for a co-ordinated service across all the related areas such as teenage services, school improvement and helping schools departments.

She said: “All schools by law have to have an anti-bullying policy.

“Initiatives in Lincolnshire include resources for schools, assemblies and lesson plans.

“For anti-bullying week we are sending a CD out to every school in the county and we’re running workshops for schools where a team of people will travel to 52 schools across the county to explain the issues.”

It’s when children are thought of as different for any reason that they can be picked on and bullied.

Sadly, we still live in a society in which to be different in any way can mean ridicule and bullying (often copied from parents) and this ensures that prejudice will continue into the next generation.

It is crucial to be alert to the possibility of bullying and make sure you know the telltale signs.

For instance, it’s unhelpful to suggest that there's a type of child who bullies or who is bullied, as it suggests there's nothing that can be done about it.

Child psychologist Sam Bishop, who advises the Anti-Bullying Alliance, said: “It’s not about typologies but about situation that a child might be in. The labels just don’t work.

“It’s to do with people who are perceived as different, whether it’s special education, home environment, race and several other different things.

“It is very difficult to generalise. The main differences are with gender.”

She said that the patterns in girl bullying were different those among boys, with girls indulging in manipulation of relationships while boys’ bullying was more to do with aggression.

“The girls peak in Year 9 (aged 13 or 14) when everything in their life begins to change.

“Boys tend to be pushing and shoving in a hierarchical way when they go to secondary school because they have to establish who’s in charge and so on.”

Sue Steel added: "All sorts of children bully, and children are bullied for all sorts of reasons, but it's important to acknowledge that this behaviour is happening, it's wrong and that it needs to stop."

"We have to recognise that it can be difficult for children to support each other when bullying occurs, even though they know it's the right thing to do.”

WHAT CAN INDIVIDUAL CHILDREN DO?
* refuse to pass on gossip or hurtful text messages;
* choose not to watch bullying – and walk away instead;
* be kind and supportive to the victim;
* ask if they‘d like help to tell someone;
* do only what they feel it’s safe to do;
* tell a trusted adult or older pupil, if they feel they can;
* refuse to put up with bullying;
* walk away, tell an adult or friend – and avoid fighting.

-- WHAT CAN PARENTS/CARERS DO?
* listen to their child if they find out they’re being bullied;
* discuss what they‘d like to happen;
* talk to the school, if they feel it’s something they can’t sort themselves;
* chat with your child about their school day;
* teach your child to respect others from a young age;
* explain why bullying is unacceptable.

Useful websites:
bullying.co.uk
Anti-bullying Alliance 
Anti-cyber bullying website
Dealing with bullying at work

Bullied at work? It’s more common than you might think.

Bullying and harassment is any unwanted behaviour that makes someone feel intimidated, degraded, humiliated or offended.

It is not always obvious or apparent to others, and can happen without an employer's awareness. It tends to be an accumulation of many small incidents over a long period of time, which individually would not form a case.

It can be when manager only communicate via e-mails to you, or you end up being the one who has to make the tea. It could be constant nit-picking, fault-finding and criticism of a trivial nature, from a boss or a work colleague.

Bullying from colleagues is just as distressing, when they blur the lines between friendship, loyalty and manipulation.

If you worry that you are being targeted, conciliation service ACAS suggests that you talk to other colleagues to find out if anyone else is suffering or has witnessed what's happened to you, and perhaps see someone who you feel comfortable with to discuss the problem, maybe someone in HR or a company counsellor if you have one.

If you have a trade union or staff representative you an talk to them.

In any case, ACAS advises that you keep a diary of all incidents to record dates, times, witnesses and your feelings. You should also keep copies of anything relevant, such as letters, memos, e-mails and notes of meetings.

First published in the Lincolnshire Echo.